2/12/07 - A**holes and Angels

that was kind of a tough week, but I made it. of course.

I finally told my mom today about what happened with the old boss. she called him an asshole; I thought it was hilarious.

I attempted a negotiation with aforementioned boss today concerning my compensation which was difficult and confusing and manipulative (never work for a russian jew, especially a 40-year-old single one who is out of his damn mind).

First he asked if we could drive to the office to talk. I said no. It didn't sound fun to me to get into a car with my lunatic-caliber obsessed boss to go to a place where there is no one else around.

I made him meet me at Barnes and Noble in the Prudential Center instead, which he bitched about at length, complaining that it would be difficult for him to think with people around.

He'd told me that the fact that I asked about compensation without considering his feelings indicated that I don't care about him, and that he's not the one dangling power over my head, but that is was the other way around. He said he'd had a fantasy that I'd called to meet with him so I could gush about my feelings and he was planning on just listening, and not prepared. He has a lot of fantasies that I need him to save me. Frankly, I'd had enough of his fantasies.

When he named a price, he'd said: "I will support you until you find another job. Wouldn't you agree that's the usual arrangement?"

I thought to myself, is there a usual arrangement for this sort of thing? I hate that way of saying it, 'support'. Like I need a fucking sugar daddy. I just want remittance for my grief, and the fact that he toted me all the way from Maui to a city where I know no one so he could single-handedly destroy my life.

He asked me what my concept was of how people usually handle these things. I told him I imagined that most women don't continue a dialogue with their boss after they're harrassed in such a way... that they probably discuss it with a 'higher up' or whatnot, and that I did not have that option. He said 'Oh, so you're threatening me now?'

He tried to make my interacting with him a contingency in my getting compensated. As in, he expected me to check in with him so he could verify I was looking for a job and not just kicking back with the money. In my head I was thinking that none of that was his business. I was so frustrated with all this ridiculousness that when he asked me to be responsible for considering his feelings, I crumbled.

I said, 'No, I will not be responsible. because I am NOT responsible, for any of this. I didn't ask for any of this. You did this to the both of us. And I'm not threatening you or trying to rip you off or hold power over your head. All I want is to be treated fairly and with respect.'

I couldn't handle it anymore, so I walked away.

Luckily, Carl is visiting and he gave me a hug and let me snot all over his scarf and kissed me on the forehead when, in the middle of the Prudential Center, I (finally) had a nervous breakdown over all of this insanity.

He even had me hold his hat while he went to chase down Oleg and maybe punch him (I don't condone violence but I still think it's cool when friends beat the crap out of people for their friends... especially when they deserve it, very cinematic). Fortunately, mostly for legal reasons, Oleg had already left.

Man it's good to have your best friend around during hard times. I've not been the best hostess as I've been painting compulsively in my room to keep sane but I know he understands. We've been friends long enough that it feels great just to have a person in the same vicinity as you, no talking necessary. He's crashed out on the futon in our living room right now and even that's comforting.

On the brighter side, I got hired as a barista at the neighborhood coffee shop this afternoon exactly one week after Oleg went insane on me. Do I have a righteous bounce-back, or what.

Very excited to be working in a more familiar atmosphere. I think it's perfect for now and it makes more sense, perhaps not ecomonically but socially, than my being a financial advisor for multi-millionaires.

I have a general agreement with the boss that I be compensated for at least three months salary and my loan debt forgiven, roughly $11,000. I think that's fair considering he asked me to make babies with him and all. Today was so stressful I was contemplating getting a lawyer... but somehow that sounds far more stressful than just dealing with it on my own. He's drafting a contract which I plan on tearing into little pieces and revising like it was never even there in the first place... because I 'have a fantasy that' it will be full of all sorts of bullshit contingencies.

I'm pretty exhausted with all of this. I just want it to be over with so I can focus on my new life, which is looking like it's going to be a lot of fun. The bright side of things is that for a little while, I may be able to afford to work part-time for the next three months before Toyko so I can spend more time focusing on my writing and art portfolios, looking into grad school and pursuing/creating a job I might actually enjoy.

why am I writing all of this down? I don't know. It's the whisper and wheeze before the end of one of the most exhausting days of my life. I haven't broken down like that in well over a year.

One could only hope for a friend that will literally hold your hand and let you cry on their shoulder and paint with you in your room for six or seven hours a night, two nights in a row just because he knows it makes you feel better. I am so very, very blessed.

I used to make fun of Carl when he was a rosy-cheeked 17-year-old for looking so wholesome, like a little cherub or a seraphim. Now I know it's because he's an angel (the kind that will suckerpunch someone for you).