Wednesday, June 20, 2007

11/14/2005 - How to Live Like A Queen in Texas

I spent the weekend indulging in the luxuries of suburban living and yessssssss.... it was fabulous.

I started working on sewing my coat. Knit myself some legwarmers. Slept well. Bought a book. Read a book. Played some gee-tar. Ate some cheese. My mum took me to Costco for the first time and held my hand, as I cringed in awe and disbelief at the phenomenon that is Costco. Went shopping with Rob for some clothes to transform him into a Casual Casanova, just waiting to get pounced on by the ladies.

I got me some rockin' bright blue moonboots too, a la Napolean Dynamite. They're awkward 80's fabulous and they match the fabric I'm using for my coat in an adequate manner.

I'm really psyched about the coat. I'm hoping to have it done by the time I leave for up north, because I hear I might actually need a coat there. I am unfamiliar with this whole concept of insulation, since it's NINETY fucking degrees here in Texas, in the middle of November, and all.

Went to a 'classic' Texan bar tonight with Cecilia, Susana and Celeste. It is called Yupp's. And yup, as we find the perfect parking space, we realize it gives us a theatrical view of a large Black man, pants down, ass hanging out, receiving some kind of service from nether regions shrouded in merciful shadow.

Embarrassed, we shuffle into the bar and it is beautiful and classic- sticky, with the sour smell of drunkenness, filled with the kind of smoke that rubs against your eyeballs like sandpaper, tar dripping off the low hanging wooden rafters and a man in a wife beater and aviator glasses crooning "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival on the karaoke machine, in honor of our boys in Eye-Rack.

You guys are thinking this is so redneck it's hip, but this bar is not filled with the pre-pubescent-looking, trucker hat-wearing-skinny pale boys with mop hair you see in Echo Park. They're more like, the guys that turn up when you plug your zip code into the sex offender's database. Disproportionate, balding with thick glasses and a propensity for things-which-I-cannot-elaborate-upon. Nope, this is the real deal.

I'm sure glad I walked in with three beautiful ladies.

I'll give it this though, Yupp's is definitely the place to go if you want to get smashed, sing along to Thriller and get into a barroom brawl with pedophiles all in one night. I just need a little extra muscle, who's in?

For the most part, this weekend has been a colorful exchange of consuming/creating. I feel quite dynamic, like a red blood cell.

*Flashback to two years ago*

Bjorn, Nick and I are in my room in L.A. watching Bernard, my sugarglider:

Me: "Look. He's eating and taking a shit at the same time."

Bjorn: "That must be enlightening."

Nick: writes it down in his yellow notepad, which is the only reason I still remember this

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG Jo. I totally forgot about the man getting sexual healing in front of the bar!!

Anonymous said...

OMG Jo. I totally forgot about the man getting sexual healing in front of the bar!!