In about 32 hours I'm going to be stepping onto a plane headed to Maui. I'm pretty sure I don't quite have enough money to get back, but I'm not going to worry about that right now.
I love these moments before something big happens in your life. My perception of the future ends 32 hours from now... after that I have a vague concept of five hours of flight over the biggest, bluest ocean- and an island at the end of the tunnel.
I know so little about Maui and what's in store for me. It is a big giant abyss of Unknown. The (good) anxiety over it has made it difficult to sleep, so I have been exhausting myself during the day with adventure and sleeping fitfully in small bursts- last night I had the most delectable dream with the most beautiful music...
... I love dreaming about music, and all the mysterious, beautiful melodies in my subconscious. They are unidentifiable, and I wonder where they come from. Last night, a translucent blob was dancing up and down a corridor to a myriad of blue men in a moat-like orchestra pit, playing a rich, slow-motion melody. The instruments in my dreams are unlike any I've seen. The blue men had their arms inside this contraption, which was making the rich horn-like sounds of music.
Ate breakfast at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles with Bjorn and fought a gnarly food coma for the rest of the day (The Skogies spoke of getting the meatsweats from too much barbeque... I wonder what the word is for too much chicken and waffles).
Today went better at Venice, I set up with both Mike and Kate, who was selling her photographs. I broke even, made $35, and got a tan on the beach at the same time. I am happy to have gotten to spend so much time out there, people-watching and breathing in the salty air.
Kate told me that now she looks at the vendors of Venice Beach in a completely different way, and I do too, because for a few days I was one of them, and I got to meet interesting people, and sit in the sun getting delirious off UV rays and talking and laughing with Mike, Karen and Kate.
I thought about it some and thought about what I'd been doing with my time, and what I was about to do and I felt really good, awake, really, and cognizant.
I am so blessed, living this life of mine. I'm sure there are ramifications for my youthful recklessness, but I am willing to take the chance. No matter what happens from now on, I have granted myself and been given the privilege to experience living in this way, and I wouldn't trade it for all the stability and comfort in this world.
I should probably buy a swimsuit and batteries for my camera before I leave. Packing is not a problem, because I have such a small amount of stuff with me in the first place. I'm going to miss L.A., and all the inspirational friends who have embraced me and loved me and taken care of me as if I'd never left.
This life is such a crazed rollercoaster of emotion, logic and experience. I feel engorged with gratitude right now- last time I felt this way something terrible followed, but honestly-
-I have learned more this past year than I have in any other year of my memorable life. I am so ready to face anything this life has to throw at me. I mean it, motherfuckers. This girl is unstoppable.
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