09/22/06 - One Year Later

It's been about one year to the day of the first blog entry I've ever written.

This time last year I had just graduated from USC. I'd spent the summer 'broken-hearted' because what I perceived to be my other half wasn't sure if he wanted to be connected with me. One year later I come full circle... once again, sitting on the couch in the Scarff House in Los Angeles, embarking tomorrow to Texas, anticipating the future.

Only this time, things are a little different.

I am whole. I am stronger. I am more myself than I have ever been in my life. And I am ready.

Last year I went back to Texas because I didn't know where else to go. This year, I come back to Texas after the greatest adventure of my life... four months of living in the jungle in Maui, jumping into waterfalls, swimming against the torrid torquoise tides of the Pacific Ocean, clmbing trees, picking fruits and following streams. Rituals with shamans, intense spiritual journeys and true healing. Coming into myself. Coming 'of age'. BeComing ME.

This year I come back to Texas to visit family and friends before embarking on what may potentially be an even greater adventure- now is the time to throw myself into the deep end to do the Good Work... now is the time to see if I can swim.

This year certainly has been thus far the most intense year of my life... and it's not even over yet.

One month ago I left Maui to head to San Francisco to go to Burning Man. From Black Rock City, I hitched a ride back to SF to spend time with Kate in the Marin Headlands before flying back to Maui. After ten days, flew to Los Angeles to spend time with friends. And now tomorrow, back to Texas to visit family for a week before my final destination: Boston, Massachusetts. Home of Harvard and MIT and stuffy New England-types.

Maui to SF to Burning Man to SF back to Maui to Los Angeles to Texas to Boston. All in less than a month and a half.

Found and secured housing in Boston. An old Victorian house in Randolph, with a woman named Ree who (incidentally) has been teaching white tantric yoga for the past 16 years.. and her acupuncturist, who flies in two days a week from Florida.

I really hope I live up to my own expectations. The very notion that I doubt myself at all is worrying me. Must be the smog.

It's been so good to see old friends here in L.A. I have such a genuine love for them...

The day after I left the lush jungles of Maui, I found myself in L.A. driving down the 10 freeway in a white convertible, sunglasses on, scarf flowing in the smoggy wind with a hot blonde in the passenger seat (Amanda)... driving into Sony Picture Studios and giving my name to the security guard, parking, and watching my best friend compete on Jeopardy. Perfection.

Covered a lot of ground in my six days here, but found myself constantly yearning to be close to the ocean... the plants looked so sick... the tomatoes at the grocery store made me want to cry from how sick they looked.

I can't put my finger on it. It must be culture shock. But still, everything is beautiful. I am really quite nervous, and wondering if I really have the strength to apply everything I've learned to the 'real world' (as in... not Maui). It's easy to feel enlightened in paradise. Let's see how things roll when I find myself suddenly in Boston, in a cubicle, at the onset of a winter I haven't the faintest concept of. Eeep!

Mike said I seemed much stronger, as if all along I'd been a muted version of my true self until now. Like I'd been timid about my own self-expression. I really can't wait to test drive this new path.

Life 2.0, here I come.