It's my first day in Boston.... wow.
One all-night packing binge.
One shuttle ride, three airports, two airplanes, one Logan express bus and a car ride later-
-and I'm home.
It's so fucking bizarre. I spent most of the day yesterday window gazing... what was I thinking about... how tired I was... trying still to digest the magic weekend with John... and the impossibility of imagining what's to come.
I landed in Boston right as the sun was setting... it was really beautiful. The stopover in D.C. was really pleasant- surprisingly, the airport grub was chock full of healthy options, I indulged in a veggie pita and a banana, and also in oggling all the very smart, very sexy boys walking around. I entertained thoughts in my head that maybe the further up north you go, the better the food, and the smarter and hotter the guys. Ooooh, anticipation.
Ree, my landlady, is a really wonderful lady about my mom's age, who knows all sorts of things about good food and how to be comfortable. Her house is pure magic, and I love it. I couldn't have imagined a better place to live- it's quiet, and cozy, and my room is beautiful. It's the perfect size for me, complete with a full-size bed, tan flannel sheets, down comforter, and antique dark oak furniture.
She used to own a gem store, and so there are beautiful rocks and gems stashed in every corner, along the stairs, on every shelf, even hidden in corners of my room and closet. It's so neat, treasures everywhere!
When I was packing I found a bunch of small gems that I'd collected one day when Ollie and I were in the old warehouse district in Dallas, hanging out at her friend Den's art studio. It was located next to a crystal and gem shop, and so we crawled around in the dirty ass dirt behind the warehouse, digging around and collecting shards of gems that had broken off during shipping and processing.
I learned a little bit about sacred objects when I was in Maui... the power of having symbolic artifacts arranged in your space, often called altar pieces for altars... being raised Catholic, altars have a whole other meaning to me, but here I have this beautiful collection of little treasures I have gathered along the way- rocks from places I love... Joshua tree, the farm in Hopewell I worked at, Pai'a beach in Maui, the Mojave desert... shells and seeds, beads given to me as gestures of friendship, the red coral ring Amanda gave me... a jade carved landscape my grandmother gave me, the blue cyanite crystal Nick from Maui gave me, etc.
It's all arranged around this crazy looking bowl/ashtray/candleholder that a bum/street vendor at Venice Beach gave me a few years back, after telling me I was a shamaness- it's crazy and broken and schizophrenically glazed, with broken bits of glass melted into it, and a big blob attached to it that has what resembles a fat buddha sort of emerging out of it. I think it's one of the most beautiful things ever.
Anyway. This little altar gives me a lot of peace in the midst of an almost overwhelming unfamiliarity. It really gives me good dreams when I sleep. The first time I set it up, I had one of the best nights of dreaming ever, after almost a year of virtually dreamless sleep, or nightmares. I'm really happy about it.
There's also a shelf above my bed that's perfect for my guitar to sit on. I've covered everything in fabrics that I've collected over the years to decorate my room with (the day I actually have my own room... it's been a long time). I really love my new room. I'm really going to make it mine.
As for everything else, sometimes I feel confused and lost, thinking, 'What the fuck am I doing here... I don't know anyone here, and I don't know what I'm going to do here really... I was sitting in my room enjoying it and thinking, wait- I didn't pay for this, how did I get this. It's strange feeling to ride the crest of a wave that someone else is creating. But it's new, and it's very neat.
What's nice is, anytime I start to feel confused, I remind myself why I'm here. I'm here to learn a whole new way of life- to learn how to organize my thoughts and execute my actions. That's what this whole money thing is. It's not about the money, it's about learning how to get things done. Sure, it sounds boring- that's probably why I never got around to learning how to do it better.
I feel unstoppable in the creative, intellectual and spiritual sense- but all of that is useless if I can't work on my sense of motivation. So this is my training so that I can be a super invincible superhero shapeshifter.
Learning new things isn't easy, and it's not pleasant at first. I try to remember back when I started studying neuroscience. I'm going to feel insecure and inadequate for a while... but the more you learn, the easier it becomes... until it becomes second nature. That's all I want. To learn to improve my initiative a little... I think it's going to be really fun.
Adventures come in all forms, even cubicle in Boston-forms. I seem to remember once, a seriously profound, life-changing adventure coming in the form of working on bunnies in a lab. That wasn't very fun... but I gotta say, I learned more in the wake of that experience than I have in any other.
I think I'm rambling now... so I'm going to go work on that 'getting things done' thing. Going to Cambridge tonight with a friend to go shopping and check out the city (I made a friend already! Gee golly.)
love to you all
Jo
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