7/7/07 - Touch and Spill

i feel a little overwhelmed... this is good... it's quite good, actually (amanda, you know)

why does it floor me so to listen to music someone has made that comes from their hearts, and souls, and that perfect, radiant, gorgeous part of them that seems to shine when we just let it go?

oh lord. it floors me so. it moves me like nothing else in this world. every modular swell is like the crest of the wave that my heart is riding on. I feel like spilling all over the place, perfect, melting, water into water. Like salty tears melt into the ocean.

it touches me.

this is what it is with music.... i was ready to go to bed and nick asked me to wait five minutes and sent me the beginnings of a dubstep track he'd started working on tonight.

it's hard to explain, so i'll just say it in the first words that came to me... i told him, 'now you've got me, making such a pretty thing....


... it's like you touched your fingers to the keyboard and to your computer and it went through something intangible to get to my ears... and then from there you reached right into me and touched my soul.

what does it sound like... it sounds like flattery. people hesitate to speak when they are touched like this. me, i can never keep my mouth shut about much, especially when it's overwhelming.

it wasn't just that it was beautiful, though. i felt like the universe-sized complexity of the nature of the relationship between he and i was explained to me in less than five minutes, and without words.

does that make sense?

i heard it and i knew without any words exchanged that he knew me. open ears connect. not just me, Josephine, age 23, lost in her life.... but me... who i am.

i'm having a hard time with words, here. But what I'm trying to say is, every sound, every movement, every rhythm, it moved with me like when two dancers know each other so well they dance effortlessly, beautifully together , pushing pulling. Like my ears were meant to hear it that way. Like i've been waiting all my life to feel that elevated.

I love to see it spill like that.

That's what making things is, to me, I think. Cup Overflow. Honest Gorgeousness into the world, because we can't even help it.