10/8/06 - The Best Thing

That's a hefty title. Because this year has been the best, most blessed year of my entire life.

I was pretty nervous about seeing John again. More nervous than I would have cared to admit, and as Patrice and I were driving to the Oui lounge to meet up with him, if it weren't for Patrice taking me by the arm I probably would have bolted in the other direction. I couldn't face the possible awkwardness of the whole thing.

But it wasn't too awkward at all. In fact it was quite the opposite, it was a whole lot of fun- it was something really special.

I'd been left wanting five years long for that conversation to occur, and had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it never would. But it did, and it went beautifully, and I couldn't have imagined it possibly going any better than it did.

We hung out at the Oui for a while before ditching the place for a six pack of Sierra Nevada, a 24 pack of PBRs, a few packs of cigarettes and the curbside in Mira Vista. Full moon... reminiscing with old friends... perfection.

Patrice went to bed, and John and I went for a walk for a while. I visited his old house, where a whole lot of 'first''s happened... first kiss, first love... you know, all that. Drove around in his car, talking talking, laughing, pissing on trees, acting like heathens and dancing around, singing corny songs. Slept over in a really tender way where you just kind of look at each other and laugh and enjoy each others' company. Next morning had a reunion with Virginia and Nathan, his parents who were happy to see me... I was like a daughter to them. Another few hours-long conversation drive, CDs exchanged, and that was that. He'll be in Japan for another year, after which he'll probably move there permanently.

When John and I met I was 13. I'm turning 23 this year... that's a decade- five years of knowing each other, five years not. Fucking wild... so he left for Tokyo today and on Tuesday I leave for Boston, and that's the way it goes- it was so nice to see him, and talk to him, and look at his face, and hug him. But now we go our seperate ways... and it is painless, like it should be when you're dealing with two twenty-something-year-olds, and not two seventeen-year-olds, or two fourteen-year-olds.

It really was quite nice to wish the guy luck on his journeys, turn around, and dive into my life carefree all the while knowing I have this unwaivering love for him, no matter what happens, or regardless of how much we change or don't change. I mean, he was my first love. And now we get to be friends! Pretty cool.

So why is it the best thing that's happened to me all year... because it gives me the most hope and shows me the greatest beauty of getting older- that whatever it is we're feeling right now, for one reason or another, with time- it changes. And it changes for the better.